Batter my Heart

Jessica Gordon
Mr. Coon
15 April 2009
word count: 672

Batter my Heart

Death. Rape. Pain. Brutal Attacks. Prison. These graphic and disturbing images are just a few of many that are found in Donne’s poem, “Batter my Heart.” These images, often hushed in everyday life because of the uncomfortable feelings they evoke, are thoroughly discussed in this poem in an ironic attempt to find spiritual purity, justice, and G-d. Through a harsh tone and a plethora of paradoxical metaphors, Donne explores the measures individuals will take to connect with and be remolded by G-d.


This poem’s graphic word choice and strong metaphors directly reflect the speaker’s violent beliefs on how he will reach spiritual purity. From the first few lines, words such as “batter”, “knock,” and “mend” symbolize the speaker’s intense desire to be helped. As the poem continues, the imagery and wording become harsher as the speaker asks to be imprisoned, divorced, burned, and finally raped. But why would the speaker wish to be imprisoned if he is trying to find freedom? Why does the speaker try to develop a stronger connection with G-d even though he claims he is married to the Devil?” Why does the speaker need to be knocked down to finally rise and stand? And why does the speaker need to be “ravished,” or raped, in order to become pure? These paradoxical metaphors suggest that the speaker can only overcome his immense guilt and sins if he is brutally tortured by G-d.


While this idea appears to be ironic and seemingly counterintuitive, it actually makes much sense. The speaker has clearly exhausted all other options in order to connect with G-d; this brutal and violent attempt is his last chance. Because the speaker is so distraught and desperate to be forgiven, one would assume he has immense sins that he is trying to overcome. The possible guilt and shame associated with these sins drives him to believe that being tortured by G-d to reach renewal is better than not feeling G-d’s presence at all. His cry for help symbolizes his need to do whatever it takes to be fixed by G-d. Which brings up the next question, why would one want to be tortured in order to feel healed? In the speaker’s case, he seemingly wanted “a dose of his own medicine:” if he felt pain and endured hardships, he would prove to himself and to G-d that he was worthy of forgiveness and aid. The speaker tried to make sense of his situation and thus arrived upon the conclusion that his last attempt to reach out to G-d would need to be done through a violent manner.


this poem has such a personal and emotional feel, I believe that the speaker is John Donne himself. This poem was a way for him to channel his own guilt and sins into writing after experiencing many tragedies in his own life. By the time Donne was ten, four of his immediate family members had died. In addition, he faced a prison term in his life and countless other tragedies that took an emotional toll on him. As a result, Donne’s outlook on life is symbolized by his belief that “each man’s death diminishes [him], for he is involved with mankind.” Donne, clearly affected by death, seemingly had much built-up emotion, similar to the speaker and his desperate attempt to have G-d understand and fix him.


Overall John Donne examines a path that is taken when one desperately seeks spiritual purity after experiencing a life full of sins. The harsh imagery symbolizes the speaker’s desperate attempt to find G-d after everything else failed. Through this metaphysical conceit, Donne explores the meaning of guilt, G-d’s power to heal, and how the past can plague the present.

The Interconnected Lives of Such Different People

In Kent Haruf's novel titled "PlainSong," the interconnected lives of various characters are developed as the plot thickens and difficulties arise. While seemingly random at first, PlainSong demonstrates that feelings, including lonliness, abandonment, and confusion are in fact universal and ubiquitous. Haruf intertwines the lives of a pregnant teenager, two abandoned boys, a fed-up teacher, and two clueless farmers to show that humans really do all experience similar emotions and similar difficulties despite differences in age, gender, status, etc. Haruf's ability to demolish the barriers that exist between these factions allows him to truly develop and focus on an ever-changing plot that provides insight into each character's fears and thoughts.

Likewise, Haruf's use of a linear story line, simple word choice, and plain language allows the reader to solely focus on the characters' development. As a result, the reader devotes full attention to why characters say certain things, how they react when fear and abandonment strike them, etc.

I chose this novel because I was fascinated by Haruf's style of writing. Because he takes such a simple approach in terms of language and diction, I was able to truly focus on and capture the essence of each character. I was captivated as I read because I felt as if I knew the characters and somehow felt their pain, their joy, and their struggles as their lives unfolded. I also liked how he took characters that are related to each other-- a teacher who teaches the pregnant teenager, fathers the abandoned boys, and develops a relationship with the woman who suggested that the pregnant teenager live with the clueless farmers-- and showed their thought processes and views on the world.

Two Bees or not two bees

Two bees or not two bees

Today, I went to yet another performance of Butterfly's Day at Desert Stages to see my sister perform. And even though I have seen this play multiple times already, this time the song "two bees or not two bees" had a different meaning. In the play, a butterfly only has one day to live to find her true meaning. This song is played at the beginning when the bees are helping the butterfly decide how she will live her last day alive. The butterfly, throughout the play, was so worried about preventing her death, finding meaning in her life, and living to make a difference. While this play is obviously fictional, it made me wonder... why is it that we as humans are so intrigued by death and what death means?

In Hamlet, the mystery behind death is a major theme that is discussed. In addition to the "to be or not to be" soliloquy, there are many other instances in which we see Hamlet's wonder and obsession surrounding death. In the scene where the gravediggers prepare for Ophelia's burial, Hamlet wonders about the skulls that were excavated and who these people were during their lives. Hamlet talks to the gravedigger and is taken aback when he learns that one of the skulls was Yorick's. It appears that Hamlet is so interested in the skulls/death in general because it relates to the idea about the afterlife. Death brings a physical disappearance from the earth and from life, but where does the soul go? Hamlet's encounter with Yorick's skull impacted him because he saw the physical remains of a person he remembered as a child. Likewise, humans seem to be intrigued by things that they cannot understand. In an age where problems have solutions, where questions have answers, death is one of those concepts that is not really discussed and is hard to comprehend.

Although Hamlet and The Butterfly's Day are drastically different plays with drastically difference audiences, they both shed light on the confusing and uncomfortable concepts behind death and what it means to live. In the butterfly's case, her true meaning was found in helping her long-lost human friend who was trapped in dream land. In Hamlet's case, he tries figure out if the ghost has reliable information, if it is right to seek revenge on the man who took the throne and his wife, and what love means with Ophelia, etc..

Willy: more than just a bad salesman

In the last few days of discussion, the subject of how we, as readers, feel about Willy has repeatedly come up. On the surface, it is easy to judge this seemingly scattered, confused, and otherwise emotional man. His mood swings and reactions to various situations are sometimes annoying because “he just does not get it.” For example, after Willy was fired from his job, he continued to tell his boss that he will just take the old job back. His constant begging and lack of understanding about his being fired was frustrating to the readers: Why didn’t he get that he was not getting that job back? Likewise, his emotional roller coasters clearly affected his familial relationships. His children were raised in an environment where stealing was justified and no clear direction was given. As a result, Happy and Biff can be seen jumping from job to job, idea to idea in hope to figure out what they truly want. His wife, although composed and happy on the outside, struggled after knowing her husband was trying to kill himself. While chipper and supportive throughout the play, she showed in her closing remarks that she was upset over Willy. Her being carried off stage by her son sobbing, “we are free,” suggests that all she wanted was for her husband to be happy and alive.

However, despite these flaws and annoyances surrounding Willy, he stands for much more important ideals that relate to humanity. If we step back, we can see Willy as representing the so many people that strive toward their dreams, despite setbacks. Even though he was not a great salesman, he continued to pursue what he really wanted: to be successful ( which in his case, means being a great salesman, demonstrating that success is relative: but that is another blog topic). In addition, it was disheartening to see Willy struggle when he was losing his job. His bargaining and willingness to make less money showed that he really wanted to continue to be a salesman. While he was no longer beneficial to the company, it was sad to see Willy lose the thing that meant most to him in his life. This situation demonstrates that, as readers, it is often hard to remain completely objective. Business is business; however, loyalty and emotions often come intertwined in these situations. As a result, Willy deserves some pity and sympathy: he was fired from his job and the thing that meant most to him, what is he suppose to do now? No one deserves the agony and pain that Willy went through.

Overall, Willy represents more than just a scattered, annoying salesman. He represents the emotional and real sides that are present in humanity.

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Really Confusing yet Really Interesting-- "The Fat Man's Race"

I read a very interesting short story last night so I decided I would like to write a blog on it.

"The Fat Man's Race" by Louise Erdrich
New Yorker- November 3, 2008

I originally picked this short story because the title intrigued me. A fat man's race? What is that suppose to mean? As I began reading, I thought I had figured out the whole story. Here was a grandma who was telling the story of how she wanted to marry one man but ended up having to marry another because of a series of unfortunate events. The first man believed that this woman was trying to steal his money and was cheating on him. The woman admits that she "plays" with the Devil, what ever that is suppose to mean. She notes that she has a good angel and a devil that try to influence her.

With this background information, I came to a conclusion that the grandma was teaching her grandchildren a story about how to not fall in to temptation and how one must not be too influenced by the negative/evil forces in life. I could not have been more wrong. This seemingly innocent story almost turns graphic, profane, and odd as the grandma retells her stories through her dream. It is unclear as to whether the unusual and scary events actually happened or if they were merely in her dreams. The man she claimed she cheated with was in her dream and wore everything blue; however, she claims that she saw this man in the fat man's race. Wait, was the fat man's race even true? The plot becomes more twisted as the grandma had wanted to kill the blue man so that she could be with the other man; in the end, the blue man and the other man were dead at this fat man's race. So of course, I am confused. However, the ending is very interesting. The grandma notes that she ended up marrying some perfect man who was not blue, not wild, raised his children well, and loved pets.

I guess I will never really understand this story; however, I do think the grandma's basic message of human imperfections, the crazy human imagination, and marital practicality are all part of our world today. This lady's imagination and her inability to be able to control her emotions and wild ideas are parts of human nature that each person has- No one is perfect, controlled, and sane all of the time... there always comes a time when one's emotions are "let loose." Likewise, despite all of this craziness that went on with the blue man and the almost-husband, the grandma married a seemingly boring man with not that much excitement. I think she realized that maybe that was a more practical choice for her desire to become a mother, etc.

I feel like I am missing something with this story, but nonetheless it was an interesting one to read and to ponder!

First Impressions: sometimes accurate and sometimes not at all.

From Act I, Question I

After reading the first few pages of A Doll's House, I had strong first impressions of Nora and Torvald. Nora appeared to be carefree, seemingly impulsive, bound to her husband, and obsessed with status. She could be seen humming and smiling about her husband's words on how she spent money as well as cheerfully planning for her guests, as if she did not have a care in the world. On the other hand, Torvald appeared controlling, stiff, and cautious. As Nora rejoiced that her family finally had a large amount of money, Torvald firmly responded with, "Ah, but that does not mean we can afford to be extravagant, you know" (1681). His controlling demeanor was apparent in countless remarks in which he told Nora what to do and subsequently treated her like a young child. Torvald's way of communicating with Nora as if she was a delicate and fragile child was evident when he said, "And you don't have to strain your dear little eyes and work those dainty little fingers to the bone...." (1684). Even though Torvald loved his wife, the way in which he treated her appeared odd and even saddening; Nora really had no control, no say, and no true authoritative role in their relationship.

However, as I kept reading, some of my first impressions seemed drastically incorrect while others seemed accurate to the text. My impression of Nora continued to change as her personality, motives, and character became more evident. While I first viewed her as a carefree, spontaneous wife, I now view her as a courageous, strong, and intelligent woman. The first time I saw that she was a complex character with much depth was when she was offended by Mrs. Linde’s comment about her being similar to a child. Nora, who was clearly upset by this remark, responded with, “You’re just like the rest of them. You all think I’m useless when it comes to anything really serious….” (1688). Likewise, as the plot continued to unravel, the audience saw Nora as a strong woman who engaged in her own business deal to save her husband’s life. Although her business deal was not legal, her intentions were good. And through these good intentions, we are able to see her character and personality. Nora’s ability to stand up to Krogstad and to say, “I’m not frightened of you any more. After New Year’s I will soon be finished with the whole business” (1696) shows that she is most than just a cheerful, pleasant housewife.

On the other hand, I view Torvald the exact same way as I did at the beginning of the play. He continues to treat Nora as if she is inferior to him and continues to try to control her life. Torvald’s lack of true respect for his wife is seen when he is insulted that she offered an opinion about the job situation between Krogstad and Mrs. Linde, saying “My dear Nora, I forgive you this anxiety of yours, although it is actually a bit of an insult” (1707). Likewise, their marriage seemingly appears the same throughout the first two acts. It is hard to tell whether Torvald and Nora really love each other. I found myself wondering why they even got married in the first place. While it does appear that their marriage does have some love and affection, it sometimes does not seem genuine. And if they were truly in love, then why did Nora “escape” to flirt with Dr. Rank?

A Doll’s House is a fascinating play to read because something new is revealed on each page. The non-predictable nature and our ever-changing reactions towards the characters make this play intriguing and keep us engaged.

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The Chorus

After reading Antigone, I was intrigued by the chorus. This seemingly wise body appears at pivotal moments throughout the play and continuously relays important information to the audience. However, the chorus represents more than just a narrating group. It also symbolizes the common ideals of Thebes, the general population, and a trusted source throughout the complex rivalries between Antigone and Ismene; Creon and Haimon; etc. Interestingly enough, I came to rely on and trust the chorus despite not knowing much about this body of people. While I can picture Antigone, Creon, Haimon, etc in terms of who they are, what they look like, and what they represent, the chorus is mysterious and unknown. However, its advice given and words spoken allowed me to think of this body as wise and important. As a result, the chorus’s role in Antigone is crucial to both understanding the play and pondering the deeper meanings and themes that are presented.

The chorus’s first and most important role relates to its narrating force. We first are introduced to the chorus recalling the brawl between the brothers and then questioning the fate of King Creon. It questions Creon and foreshadows some type of unfortunate event by saying, “In this auspicious dawn of his rein, what are the new complexities that shifting Fate has woven for him?” (1328). From this start, we see the chorus as aware, unbiased, and intuitive. The chorus’s maintaining an unbiased, yet informative, role throughout the play is crucial because it allows the audience to draw its own conclusions and to not be too turned off by a potentially overly opinionated source. It is these mysterious, confident, and wise attributes that overtime allow us to realize the importance of the chorus.

The chorus’s intuitive and wise nature is seen again when Choragos asks the king, “I have been wondering, King: can it be that the gods have done this?” (1330). This question, which came after Creon’s rage over the burial of Polyneices, once again demonstrates the ability of the chorus to both narrate, question, and foreshadow all within one line. The questions and narration continues throughout the play, appearing at important moments such as Creon and Haimon’s argument. Choragos, after Creon and Haimon argued over Antigone’s punishment, wisely suggested to Creon that, “You will do well to listen to him, King, If what he says is sensible” (1339). The narration by the Chorus is crucial to the play because this outside force is able to fill the audience in on what is happening and suggest what is “right” amidst the arguments, battles, and rivalries.

In addition, the chorus symbolizes the people of Thebes and the common ideals of the time. Through the story of Danae, the chorus demonstrates that gods hold the highest power in terms of fate. This ideal is continuously seen and is reiterated in the last stanza of the play. After Creon faces his punishments, the chorus ends the play with, “there is no happiness where there is no wisdom; no wisdom but in submission to the gods. Big words are always punishment and proud men in old age learn to be wise” (1352). The chorus cleverly ends the play by somewhat scolding Creon because the gods will always punish those who possess too much pride and power. Likewise, despite Creon’s unfortunate encounters, the gods taught him a lesson and made him wiser (although it was ultimately too late). It is this ending that demonstrates the accepted notions of the time: that the gods’ beliefs etc need to be followed and that power corrupts.

Overall, the chorus allows the audience to follow the play, explore deeper meanings, and understand the common ideals of the time. Through this trusted, mysterious, and wise source, the audience can tie together the meanings behind fate, relationships, defiance, family, and hubris that are ever present throughout the play.
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We Feel Sorry For Him

Blog Starter # 3

After reading the Death of Ivan Ilych,” I began to wonder why I “sided” with Ivan throughout the novel. Here was a man who was motivated by power, money, and work and only cared about promotions and advances within the work place. We see the pettiness and corruption that Ivan has in his life. However, Tolstoy’s use of characterization and his organization of the story allows the reader to quickly understand the society that Ivan grows up in and much about Ivan himself. Thus, the reader seemingly begins to feel compassionate and sympathetic for a man who was plagued by the world he grew up in: a world where death is never faced, where materialism dominates his social stratum, and where true friends and companions are virtually non-existent.

Within the first few pages of the text, the reader already begins to see the non-emotional, money-oriented world in which Ivan grew up. Ivan’s funeral was seen as a place where business deals could be set, not a place of mourning for the death of a loved one. His wife was introduced to the reader by her being overly concerned with the money she would make off of Ivan, and his “friends” were introduced as colleagues and aquantainces. Likewise, death is not embraced in this society. Death was seen as something that “happens to him and not me” (282). Interestingly, because Tolstoy sets up his novel by explaining Ivan’s harsh and impersonal world, the reader subconsciously begins to side with him. As readers, we want to support a sad man who lacks support networks and love. This is why Tolstoy’s organization of the novel was crucial to its effectiveness. If Tolstoy had started off explaining how Ivan always worked, believed everyone was in his power, and became disengaged with his family life, the reader would Ivan as a corrupt, dirty businessman. However, Tolstoy was able to have the reader understand Ivan’s situation and society by first explaining the world around him. Thus, we understand why the focus of Ivan’s life was centered around the “official world”: the other areas of his life were suffering; likewise, he overcompensated by working more often and finding something he was good at to focus on.

Because the reader already feels sorry for Ivan within the first few sections of the novel, the next parts of the book make us more compassionate and sorrowful for this silenced man who is slowly dying. Ivan’s wife views his illness as an “annoyance” (298) and the doctor treats him as if he is defined by his symptoms. Again, Tolstoy is characterizing the situation around Ivan so the reader is able to understand why he has “bursts of temper” and is angered by the situation. If Tolstoy had merely said that Ivan was frustrated and angry that he was not getting better, the reader might have viewed Ivan as being unfair to those around him because it was not their fault that he was ill. However, Tolstoy is able to show why Ivan feels the way he does: he lacks care, support, and love in a time when he needs it most. His lack of a balanced, loveable support system is seen when Tolstoy stated, “what most tormented Ivan Ilych was that no one pitied him as he wished to be pitied” (306). How can we criticize a man who every day has “a spark of hope, a sea of despair, and pain [that always returns]? (307)

Likewise, Tolstoy is not criticizing Ivan but rather criticizing Ivan's society. Tolstoy uses Ivan as a figure to mock and condemn the artificiality and “fake” world that these people grow up in. He shows that this unbalanced world where friendships are non-existent is doomed for trouble. How can a society with no moral backbone, no balance, and no true care exist? I believe that Tolstoy’s answer is that it cannot. There can be people who care—such as Geraism—but if a society as a whole is not supportive and has artificial values, it cannot truly survive. We almost see Ivan’s breakdown as a symbol for the breakdown of the society. As Ivan gets extremely ill and silently enraged, we see the society continue to have no real relationships and no real care. Tolstoy’s ability to address the negativity in materialistic world is successful through the organization of the novel and characterization of Ivan and those around him.

(750 words)